


Genetic Drift

by ishie



Category: Big Bang Theory, Firefly
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-25
Updated: 2010-07-25
Packaged: 2017-11-16 03:18:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/534897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ishie/pseuds/ishie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jayne was sitting at the mess table, a bewildering array of weapons spread across its surface in various stages of disrepair.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Genetic Drift

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a [Paradox-o-rama Fiction Friday thing](http://community.livejournal.com/sheldon_penny/1163526.html) for the prompt: Jayne Cobb.
> 
> Warning: contains cracky crossover headcanon

Jayne was sitting at the mess table, a bewildering array of weapons spread across its surface in various stages of disrepair. Kaylee poured herself a cup of juice — if only they could work the core planets all the time — and stepped up behind him.

"What's that?" she asked, pointing at the one thing on the table that didn't belong. It was a small, leather-wrapped bundle, with twine tied in a loose bow and wrinkled papers seeping out the sides.

When she reached out to run her fingers over the top, Jayne shifted and pushed it out of her way.

"Cobb family Bible," he grunted. He shifted again to face her. He kept his shoulder between her and the table, as though he had to protect it from her. "Brought it up to show Book."

Kaylee's face lit up. "Ooh, let me see!"

"Ain't your business." Jayne's brow wrinkled so hard it looked like he was trying to squish his whole face up into a ball.

"C'mon, Jayne. Has it got pictures? I wanna see!"

She faked to her left. When Jayne went that way to stop her she scurried around to the right and snatched the book off the table. Cradling it to her chest she slowly backed away across the room, holding out a hand to keep him at bay when he growled and got to his feet.

It was a little too late to reconsider what she'd done. From the look on his face, Kaylee thought this probably wasn't something she'd be able to smooth over easy. "Now, I ain't gonna hurt it none. I just want to have a little look!"

He growled again and kept on coming. Kaylee gave a little squeal and turned to flee, but before she'd taken more than a dozen steps she slammed into someone's chest.

Behind her, Jayne whined, "Mal, she's messin' with my things again."

"I was not!" she protested, but the bundle in her hands told a different story.

"Kaylee, you can't keep messing with the man's junk," Mal said. He pried the bundle away from her and handed it back to Jayne, who smirked.

"I got some junk she can mess with."

"Jayne..."

"This ain't junk, Mal. This belonged to my hundred-times great-grandma back on Earth-that-was."

Wash had been watching the entire thing from the safety of the cookstove, where he was stirring a pot of something that didn't smell like crotch. "You can trace your family back that far? That's amazing."

"I didn't do no tracing, little man. My ma just gave me this, said it always goes to the oldest kid."

"So you've read it?"

"Yes, I read it," Jayne snapped. "Well, I read parts of it."

"Let me guess: the parts about begetting?"

Mal cleared his throat. "Shouldn't you get on back up to the cockpit there?"

Wash looked confused. "I thought you were flying."

They stared at each other for a second longer, then both pelted from the room like their asses were on fire. Simon, who'd been hovering just outside the mess, turned to watch Mal rushing up the stairs and stepped the wrong way as Wash came through the hatch, knocking him to the ground. Kaylee hurried over to help him to his feet.

Jayne took his seat again, fussing with his guns and cleaning equipment like a bird tidying its nest. Every once in a while he shot dirty looks at Kaylee, who finally sighed and crossed her arms.

"I'm sorry I messed with your stuff, Jayne. I didn't know it was so important to you."

"Well, it is." He glowered down at the grip in his hand. "You coulda asked nice."

Kaylee clasped her hands together under her chin and batted her lashes a little. "Pretty please will you show me your family stuff?"

Jayne eyed her suspiciously. She smiled wide and sat down next to him. He never was able to say no to her.

Simon, for lack of anything else to do, sank into the chair on the other side. While Jayne made her promise all kinds of things about not touching and not laughing and not interrupting, he leaned in to get a closer look at the leather-wrapped bundle.

"I thought you said this was the _Cobb_ family Bible," he said. He was careful not to touch it or the weapons around it, but pointed at the cover. "This says _Cooper_."

Jayne scowled and pulled the book closer to himself. "I know that. I can read."

"Is that your real name?" Kaylee asked. "Like, Cobb's an alias or something?"

"What the hell makes you think I'd pick something as stupid as _Cobb_ for an alias?" Jayne asked, disgusted.

Simon tilted his head. "Well..."

Jayne growled. "Somebody changed our name somewhere along the way. I don't know why. You gonna ask stupid questions all night or you gonna let me talk?"

Kaylee mimed zipping her lips shut. Simon sat back and crossed his arms.

The twine untied easily, falling away from the bundle like it was grateful for the break. The leather was smooth and buttery from the generations of Cobbs, or Coopers, that had handled it. Kaylee didn't miss the way Jayne's fingers carefully peeled it apart; there was a lifetime of practice there. She wondered if this was something his ma had passed on to him, the right way to care for the book, or if he'd gotten it from another relative like those he was about to tell them about.

"Back on Earth-that-was," he said once he'd opened the bundle to reveal the first bound set of papers, "Cobbs was Coopers, then. A whole mess of 'em lived in some place called Texas, but my great-great-great-great-great—"

"I think we get the idea," Simon murmured. Despite his dismissive tone, he looked enthralled, already sitting on the edge of his seat and leaning in as close as Jayne would let him get to the old, dry papers.

" _Anyway_ , this great-grandaddy of mine left the family in Texas and went all over the face of the world — weren't many of 'em traveling between worlds then, see — until he married my great-grandmama and settled down in what they called Pasadena."

Kaylee clapped her hands. With great difficulty, she kept most of the excited squeal out of her voice when she said, "How'd they fall in love? Was it a big romantic story, with longing glances across crowded rooms and overcoming all odds to be together? Did he have to fight for her? Or was it arranged? I heard they used to do arranged marriages all the time on Earth-that-was."

Jayne squinted down at the pages in his hands. "I dunno, it doesn't say. Just they got married and had a whole bunch of brats. He wrote a bunch of junk in here about something called Killtech, too."

"Killtech?" Simon repeated. He looked pained, like his lunch was coming back up the wrong way. "In Pasadena? Do you mean Caltech?"

Jayne shrugged.

"Can I see— No, stupid question. What was your grandfather's name?"

"Sheldon Cooper Phid," Jayne said. He puffed his chest out as he did, like his familial pride was too much to contain.

Simon made a noise like a compressor about to crack and rubbed his forehead until red streaks popped up on his skin. "Pee, aitch, dee," he said, almost to himself.

"That's what I said."

"And his wife was Penny Cooper? Born in Omaha, daughter of Richard and Jennifer?"

"How'd you know that?" Jayne shifted back and away from the table, pulling the book to his chest like he had to protect it from prying eyes.

Kaylee looked between the two of them, totally confused. Simon was still rubbing his forehead; too much more of that and he'd rub the skin clear off.

"Do you mean to tell me," he said finally, "that you're related to _Sheldon and Penny Cooper_?"

Jayne's expression shifted from confused to belligerent. "That's what I _said_."

Both Kaylee and Jayne jumped almost a foot in the air when loud, high-pitched laughter erupted from under the table. A second later, River emerged, shaking her hair back from her face and bouncing on the balls of her feet. Simon dropped his head to the table, picked it up, and let it drop again. And again.

"What in the gorram—" Jayne started to say. He pushed his chair back and picked up one of the few intact guns.

River clapped her hands, another peal of her strange laughter bouncing around the room. "Simon!" she all but shrieked. "He's family!"


End file.
